Tuesday, May 25, 2010

The Plane, The Plane...

I watched the first season of "Lost", but my interest waned. From listening to the post-show analysis on NPR last night, it sounds as though I missed quite a bit.

A collective soul? Sartre meets "Survivor"? Goodness. I'll just call it "Gilligan's Matrix" and catch up someday via DVD. Ergo. Vis-à-vis. Concordantly, skipper.

I say that with deference. This show was obviously something special, and to have it compared to the "MASH" finale pretty much says it all. Not many television programs can bring people together en masse like "Lost" did, and it's ironic that this universal connectedness was precisely one the themes it explored. 

With the new "A-Team" movie on its way, I'm inclined to think the Tinseltown brass are warming to my perspective. Everything old is new again and whatnot. In a similar vein, how about "Firefox II"? Now, the conveniently predictable thing to do would be to play up the nouveau-friendly Russian angle, but I'm going in precisely the opposite direction. In fact, the opening scene will be a retro teletype nod to "The Hunt For Red October":

"War to the hilt between Communism and Capitalism is inevitable. Today, of course, we are not strong enough to attack. Our time will come in 20 or 30 years. To win, we shall need the element of surprise. The bourgeoisie will have to be put to sleep. So we shall begin by launching the most spectacular peace movement on record. There will be electrifying overtures and unheard of concessions. The capitalistic countries, stupid and decadent, will rejoice to cooperate in their own destruction. They will leap at another chance to be friends. As soon as their guard is down, we will smash them with our clenched fist." -- Dmitry Z. Manulsky, The Lenin School of Political Warfare

Russia is more dangerous than ever. They sell arms to Venezuela, Syria and Iran, refuse to recognize Hamas and Hezbollah as terrorist organizations and dole out nuclear reactors as if the Federation were some kind of plutonium-enriched CarMax™. Add to this geopolitical hornet's nest Putin puppet Dmitri Medvedev's entirely too-large tie knot and perestroika quickly turns to peril.

Clint Eastwood's Mitchell Gant is once again interrupted at his remote cabin. But this time, he has to fly the MiG-31 back into the Soviet Un-- I mean, Russia. Precisely why isn't important right now; perhaps it's the Chechens, or their natural gas monopoly. Details, details...

The catch here is that Gant is obviously too old for the mission. But no one knows the Firefox as well as he. What's the most logical option?

Exactly.

Maybe Shia can be Gant's estranged son, or perhaps some problem child, crackpot, ex-test pilot unemployed genius. Either way, he gets to fly the Firefox back to the Motherland, and if he plays his cards just right, he can also publicly trash "Firefox II" director Ridley Scott.

The KG-- I mean, FSB -- will play a prominent part. The young hotshot doesn't stand a chance and actually prefers it that way. Gant is a dinosaur who thinks Twitter is something you do with a girl in the balcony. The fate of democracy lies in the balance.

I say this with tongue somewhat in cheek. "Firefox" was an iconic movie of my youth and still one of my favorites. It was entralling to think of this monolithic Evil Empire an ocean away, capable of ending my pre-pubescence with the push of a button. Like I said, I'm sentimental. Sue me.

The Phillies come to Shea Sta-- I mean, Citi Field -- this evening. I'm going to err on the side of hope and suggest that their good fortunes continue. With Bay and Reyes seemingly back from the brink, only good things can happen. I'm still somewhat concerned about Wright, but then again he's on pace for another 30-30 campaign.

I've yet to check, but I think R.A. Dickey is going for the Amazin's. Hopefully Moyer takes the hill for Philly; if memory serves, the Mets have fared well against him. But then again, that might have been in the 1980's. Sheesh, there really is something to be said for throwing a baseball lefty.

This may be poor taste, but Moyer should be grandfathered in (nyuck-nyuck) to Major League Baseball's pre-PED testing policies. If this guy was allowed to take HGH, he could very well serve up his slow slop 'til he's 70.

In closing, it was nice to hear "Faith and Fear in Flushing" featured on "All Things Considered" last night. These gentlemen run one of the finest Mets sites on the Internet, so kudos to them for receiving some well-deserved airplay.

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